the hood But enough about you, how about us? People who cut us checks our illustrious past we're deep, too! sensate beings who work here like Ogilvy, but he licks your face, too the Old Sally's Lightly Silted Story mysticism in marketing stuff our PR guy made up










recent releases from Disaffiliated Press International

September 9, 2003 - CW&O Acquires Beg & BAT, LLC
Chagrin Falls Ohio - Crabtree, Omar & Welt CEO Winfrey Yerfniw today announced the agency's acquistion of marketing company Beg & BAT, LLC. The firm is well known for its namesake marketing innovations-
batting consumers on the head to get their attention, and begging consumers to at least hear them out.

"This is a critical acquistion in adding to the strategic impact marketing we offer our clients", said Yerfniw, who conceded that the Batting Consumers Upside the Head division was being phased out to resolve a current
litigation backlog. "We see this, not as a setback, but as a very positive change, allowing us to concentrate all our resources to enhancing the
begging equation."


June 20, 2003 - CW&O Adds Internet Capabilities
Chagrin Falls Ohio - Crabtree, Omar & Welt CEO Winfrey Yerfniw announced today that the agency's internet services company, Gigaspeed Crackheads was being closed and its operations taken over by the CW&O's new Internet and Spam division. The action follows the bankruptcy filing of Gigaspeed's largest remaining client,,
the web auction site for navel lint that had burned through $3 billion in investment capital while falling short of generating any revenue other than bartered lint. Gigaspeed's 450,000 square foot facility will be put to
auction, and 270 of the firm's 271 employees deported to Iceland.

"We see this as a great opportunity," said Yerfniw. "We look forward to
a much tighter integration for our clients of internet services within a
holistic marketing mix, and a steady stream of income from the money the people in Iceland will be sending back from the jobs we hope they find there."

The new Internet and Spam division will be managed by former Gigaspeed staffer Marty Kablcarr, who designed those neat Flash animations that no one can figure out how to blow past.



  ©2002-2003 Lynn Becker Associates. The contents of this site are satire. Any reference to any person, institution, corporation or entity without satirical purpose is strictly coincidental.






















i may be the bottom of the page, but I am not without ambition.